There is an inherent emotional risk you take every time you step out on that ledge of "new relationships". This is especially true for s-types. So much so that it can be overwhelming.
See... There is an intrinsic vulnerability in surrender. Simon Sinek (author of "Start With Why" and a public speaker on interpersonal relationships) talks about vulnerability being the key ingredient for creating lasting, meaningful emotional connection.
Therefore... there is *always* going to be a risk of emotions becoming entangled.
As a Master with "Daddy" tendencies, I gravitate to s-types over whom I feel protective, caring, and controlling; these are all deeply fulfilling emotions for me.
That's a fairly consistent thing, whenever I bring a new slave under my wing.
That vulnerability and resulting fulfillment creates... well... a *really* strong bonding response.
We are, after all, social creatures, and our biology functions (generally) in a way conducive to creating and maintaining social connection.
So what does all this mean?
Why "Casual M/s" is (to some) an Oxymoron
When you share your vulnerability, you are biologically creating connection with the person you're sharing with.
It's how we're wired.
Chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin are released into the system and... well, they're a fairly devastating combination on anyone trying to "keep it casual".
Some people are capable of keeping things casual.
I know a few couples who do it regularly... but I don't know how they separate the connection and chemicals from their attachment to the person.
Perhaps it's sheer force of will?
Either way, for me... if it's not about creating and expanding an emotional connection with someone, it's as useful to me as shouting into the wind.
Perhaps the solution, then. isn't to 'keep it casual'...
But instead, allow yourself to be as deeply vulnerable as possible... but only with carefully vetted, cautiously developed partnerships.
by slave mira
Obedience is the reinforcement that holds Master/slave relationships together. Obedience is more than conformity. Obedience must not be false on the slave's will. A slave should never question the obligation to obey. Without complete obedience the Master cannot retain complete charge of the slave. It is only with absolute obedience from the slave that that the Master can take charge of the slave. With a single act of wayward disobedience the Master/slave relationship will be put in jeopardy. It most often will call for penalty or punishment.
Obedience is behavior intended to please your Master. Obedience is the act of obeying. Obedience is dutiful or submissive behavior with respect to your Master. Obedience is the trait of being willing to obey.
Obedience in Master/slave behavior describes the slave's act of carrying out commands, or being motivated by the Master. Obedience to a Master differs from compliance, which is behavior that is influenced by peers, and from conformity, which is behavior that is intended to match that of the majority.
The excellence of being an obedient slave is to dutifully comply with the commands or instructions of the Master in an obedient manner.
A slave is obligated to act in a manner that demonstrates faithfulness to the Master and obeys all rules, orders and guidelines.
Obedience is an act of will and it develops gradually, showing itself unexpectedly at the end the long process of development of the slave. While this inner development is going on, a slave may obey occasionally, but be completely unable to obey consistently. As their will develops through the exercise of the Master, the slave begins to have the self-discipline or self-control necessary for obedience.
Obedience is as basic an element in the structure of the Master/slave lifestyle. The Master's authority is a requirement of the slaves existence, and it is only the slave under the master's will who is forced to respond, with submission, to the commands of the Master. For many slaves, obedience becomes a deeply ingrained behavior tendency, indeed a potent impulse overriding emotion, self-absorption, and conduct.
The philosophic aspects of obedience are of enormous import, but they say very little about how most slaves behave in concrete situations.
In order for a slave to exhibit proper behavior and properly submit to the Master training the slave, a slave must be obedient. Obedience, for Master/slave lifestyle purposes is the whole mind and body of the slave submitting to the will of the Master and the Master's rules. It is a mental state of being obedient, and conformity with the Master. It is the slave being subjected to any restraint or control the Master may choose for the slave.
Obedience has to be learned, extended and practiced in order for the slave to become an valuable slave. It is a state of mind that involves a conscious choice on the slave’s part. The slave agrees to being owned and part of that ownership is the slave's agreeing to be obedient to the Master.
Discipline in training is engaged by the Master to teach proper behavior and obedience. Discipline is described as teaching and application training, whether physical, mental or moral. It is a method to instill proper behavior and obedience before a violation has been committed.
By the acceptance of slavery, a slave agrees to be obedient and accept discipline training and punishment for any bad behavior.
A slave is judged on the slave's service to the Master and the key to proper service is the willingness to be obedient. Obedience is often tested and expanded by the Master through the use of dominance or other forms of edge play.
Slave training is a process of the slave giving the slave's freedoms to the Master. Complete obedience is a part of that process.
The slave in the environment of serving the Master is obedient in that the slave has chosen to give the slaves self to the Master for serving. In serving the Master, the slaves obedience can eventually become independent of all or almost all training where the slave automatically obeys. It is safe to say that the usual goal for slaves who have given themselves to the Master is that the slave's obedience becomes unconditional, habitual, innate, and immediate, given the restrictions of the slave's body.
For slaves, the obedience determines what can be enjoyed. It determines the slave's self-esteem and pleasure. It connects the slave to the Master. It gives the slave principle. It shelters the slave . It verifies the slave . Obedience is the very essence of slavery. It is the special charm of slaves.
Obedience is the basic foundation of the slave's self, and the inner strength of a slave's confidence. Obedience determines for the slave what is right and what is wrong. It releases the slave to be what only a slave can be and that is one whose will has been replaced by that of another.
Obedience should be the single most important concern for a slave, and this releases the slave from almost all other concerns. Obedience is the foremost principle through which right and wrong is assessed by the slave and by the Master.
The slave in perfect obedience does not suggests or want anything. The slave's only obligation and only concern is to obey the Master. The slave's value is the slave's only question. The slave's only satisfaction is from determining if the slave obeyed the Master.
Learning to obey the Master's rules is a major part of the slave's development process, and many techniques are used by the Master to modify the behavior of the slave. Additionally, extensive training is given to a slave to make the slave capable of obeying orders of the Master in situations where an untrained person would not be willing to follow orders.
Slaves are initially ordered to do seemingly trivial things, such as picking up the Master's coat off the floor, walking in just the right position, or sitting and standing in formation. These orders gradually become more demanding, until an order to the slave gets an immediate obedient response.
The slave always has the choice of remaining in the relationship and being obedient to the Master or leaving. The slave obediently chooses to serve the Master.
Possible situations in which the slave might disobey and leave are when the Master makes requests that are beyond the scope of the original contract. For example if the contract was that the slave not be asked to break the law and the Master asks the slave to break the law, the Master will do so at the risk of ending the relationship. If the Master begins to make demands that violate the original agreements and expects the slave to obey, then the Master places the relationship in jeopardy and a likely outcome will be the termination of the relationship.
In an ideal Master/slave relationship, the commitment will be unconditional. The Master will expect complete obedience and complete responsibility. The Master trust the slave to be obedient and the slave trusts the Master to be responsible.
In a Master/slave relationship, the Master who will accept the obedience of the slave also has accepted the responsibility for the results, which will flow from that obedience of the slave. There is never sufficient excuse to allow the Master to escape from the responsibility for the results of an obedient slave.
The slave is obedient in the slave's respect of serving the Master. The slave is obedient in serving at all times. The slave will obediently respect all that the Master does whether it is in regard to the slave or to someone else. Obedience is not about a situation or another person. It is about the respect that the slave shows for the Master. Obedience is about the slave's self-respect. The slave honors the Master with respect by being obedient.
The slave only has to be obedient to the slave's own Master and not to another Master unless the slave's own Master specifically tells the slave to obey the other Master.
Being obedient is about the slave's proper and genuine behavior. The boundaries are not there when the slave lives within obedience. Obedience is without variation. It is the pure expression of the slave.
The slave should give the Master pure obedient transparency. The slave obedience should include a complete lack of privacy this will result in a melding of the identity of the slave with that of the Master. The slave's thoughts will be the Master's thoughts. The Master will know the innermost workings of the slave's mind and heart. The slave will know that there will be nothing that will be hidden from the Master when the slave gives the Master pure obedient transparency. The slave's thoughts, fears, observations, and concerns will be given obediently and respectfully. Obedient transparency is complete surrender. Nothing will ever be hidden from the Master by a truly obedient slave.
The slave being obediently clear and direct in communication with the Master will be the foundation of achievement in the Master/slave lifestyle.
The slave must surrender in complete obedience. Obedience is about feeling strong enough to surrender to another. If the slave disobeys by not surrendering to the Master then the slave will not learn.
The slave focuses on obeying as an accessory to the Master. The slave centers on, and limits the slaves self to the command of the Master. Then the slave is able to accomplish things with the Master’s refinement.
The slave relies on the power the Master gave the slave to obey. The slave must learn obedience to have the self control to obey the Master.
The slave listens only to the Master to determine what obedience really is. The slave must learn the power to obey, the slave changes to be obedient to the Master.
The slave’s obedience, because it is based on the love of the Master, is focused on doing the Master's will simply because it is the desire of the Master. The slave’s obedience is the slave’s satisfaction and joy.
The Master is more pleased with the obedience of the slave, when the slave strives after the Master and becomes complete. The slave’s obedience springs forth from the love of the Master, even if no other reward should follow.
The slave wishes to gain only that which his Master will give him, knowing that all good gifts come from the Master. The loving slave seeks out the will of the Master from the Master himself, the Master's words and the Master's guidance. The slave should not seeks to know the will of the Master. The slave should obediently trust the Master.
The loving slave obediently rejoices in the Master’s discipline, even if he has done no offense.
The slave has his sense of worth and greatness in the Master, obeying as the Master asks for the best interest of the slave.
The slave’s obedience is the beginning and preparation for approval. The obedience of the slave is complete and so it makes the slave an extension of The Master.
If a slave is to escape the bondage of the slaves own will, the slave must first choose to surrender the slave's self-will and to obey the master. In order to surrender, the slave must obey the Master's will.
The obedience of the slave is given to the slave by the Master to set the slave free from the bondage of slave's self-will. It opens the way for the slave to love and obey the Master.
The obedience of the slave is the law of the Master.
The obedience of the slave is given by the Master to do away with the slave's self-will.
The slave who loves the Master with the slave's whole heart and sacrifices the slave's self-will for that love is a complete slave. The slave who is obedient in the slave's heart willingly does whatever the Master desires of the slave.
The faithful slave goes to his Master and asks, “What would you have me do now? Please grant me service for you, for I long to obey you and do your will.” Should the Master have nothing for the slave to do, the slave obediently waits until the Master gives the slave some little task for the slave to perform.
The obedience of the slave looks for swift vengeance. The slave’s obedience looks to the Master to avenge, trying to be at peace with all.
The slave focuses on the disciplines the slave can do and obeys the rules of the Master. The slave does all these things for the dignity of the Master, looking only for the Master's approval.
The slave never initiates a breaking of an agreement the slave has made.
The slave does not fear to obey the Master or ask for things from the Master. The slave's loyalty is to the Master alone. The slave obeys the Master and accepts from the Master only what the Master gives.
The slave seeks to obey the Master and finds complete obedient surrender.
The slave obeys at the Master’s command and the freedom of obedience is opened to the slave.
The slave enters the Master’s realm only through the narrow way provided for by the Master.
The slave avoids the teachings that did not come from the Master.
The slave does what is beneficial because to obedience the Master has made the slave beneficial.
The slave hears what the slave should do from the Master, and does it.
The slave is so busy with the love of The Master that the slave has little time for anything else except to obey the Master.
At times the slave will obediently go through training for the sake of the slave in order to bring the Master and slave into unity.
The slave’s obedience makes the slave tolerant and mild.
The slave is content and takes no account of the length of time.
The slave is so blessed in the slave's obedience that the slave wishes everyone could be as the slave is.
The slave’s obedience is the completion of the life of the slave. Therefore, whoever is a slave, let all slave's seek a better obedience.
The slave should seek obedience to the Master who does not need the slave’s obedience at all.
The way of the slave is the way of the Master.
Obedience comes to the slave who has faith in the way of the Master.
The slave obediently receives the gift of total surrender.
The slave is filled of love for the Master.
The slave who obeys the love of the Master belongs to the Master and receives the confirmation of obediently serving the Master.
The approval of the Master is the reward of the obedience and surrender eternal.
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