Vulnerability and Risk
There is an inherent emotional risk you take every time you step out on that ledge of “new relationships”.
This is especially true for s-types. So much so that it can be overwhelming.
See… there is an intrinsic vulnerability in surrender.
Simon Sinek (author of Start With Why, and a public speaker on interpersonal relationships) talks about vulnerability being the key ingredient in creating lasting, meaningful emotional connection.
Therefore, there is always going to be a risk of emotions becoming entangled.
As a Master with “Daddy” tendencies, I gravitate to s-types over whom I feel protective, caring and controlling. These are all deeply fulfilling emotions for me, and that’s fairly consistent whenever I bring a new slave under my wing.
That vulnerability, and the resulting fulfillment, creates a really strong bonding response.
We are, after all, social creatures, and our biology generally functions in a way that creates and maintains social connection.
So what does all this mean?
Why “casual M/s” is (to some) an oxymoron
When you share your vulnerability, you are biologically creating connection with the person you’re sharing with.
It’s how we’re wired.
Chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin are released into the system, and they’re a fairly devastating combination for anyone trying to “keep it casual”.
Some people are capable of keeping things casual. I know a few couples who do it regularly, but I don’t know how they separate the connection and the chemicals from their attachment to the person. Perhaps it’s sheer force of will?
Either way, for me, if it’s not about creating and expanding an emotional connection with someone, it’s as useful to me as shouting into the wind.
Perhaps the solution, then, isn’t to “keep it casual”…
…but instead to allow yourself to be as deeply vulnerable as possible, but only with carefully vetted, cautiously developed partnerships.